


Push and Pull

by janetcarter



Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Other, Pre-Canon, eldritch stuff, human baruch, light gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 06:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28346976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janetcarter/pseuds/janetcarter
Summary: In the days of Baruch's humanity, he and Balthamos struggle to work together while facing the dangers of otherworldly threats.
Relationships: Balthamos/Baruch
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2
Collections: His Dark Materials Discord Server Exchange





	Push and Pull

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DownToTheSea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DownToTheSea/gifts).



> Happy early birthday Vienna!!! I hope this lil exchange treat doubles as an enjoyable bday present <3

Baruch walked through the Mediterranean town appearing to be a lone traveler to all who spared him a glance. But out of the spectrum of human sight was his translucent companion, Balthamos, floating along beside him. Baruch wiped the sweat off his brow, envying his beloved's imperviousness to the sunlight streaking through him.

There had been a problem as of late, otherworldly creatures bursting forth into Baruch's own universe. Balthamos had finally decided it was time to pursue them, and Baruch could not keep himself from accompanying. Human or not, the thought of living the remainder of his life without Balthamos by his side was a fate worse than death.

"Excuse me," he said, voice smooth. The merchant, an old man in azure robes, looked up. "We were--I mean, I was wondering about the missing townspeople. Can you tell me where they were last seen?"

"If you ain't here to buy nothin', leave," his scratchy voice warned through missing teeth.

"Sir?" Baruch asked politely, a stark contrast to a comment Balthamos made that the man thankfully could not hear. The man looked down at the items he was selling, clay bowls and trinkets, and then back up to Baruch.

"Do not give him your money, dear," Balthamos said.

Baruch turned slightly, but turned back to the trinkets once he remembered no one else could see Balthamos. He bought one, a carved child's toy, and then asked again. "Please, it's important."

The man's demeanor lightened as he leaned in to whisper. "Don't tell no one you talked to me about this. But they all went out to the caves up north."

"I could have told you that," Balthamos scoffed.

Baruch resisted the urge to reply to him. "Can you tell us how to get there?"

The man bent down and pulled up a rolled up scroll of papyrus. "This map'll show ya… for a price."

Balthamos rolled his eyes. "You've given him enough, Baruch."

Baruch bought it anyway.

-

With the blazing sun hanging lower on the sky, Baruch and Balthamos made their way north. Baruch apologized to anyone he so much as grazed while eyeing the map rather than the city paths. He did, however, look up long enough to spot a small child to gift the toy to. Meanwhile, Balthamos had flown above to make sure the map was not, in fact, misleading them.

It wasn't; most of the time. But it did not matter, because once they had left the city and made their way closer to the mountains, a shriek pierced Baruch's ears. He looked to Balthamos with wide eyes, but Balthamos had already soared off to find the source.

Baruch ran after Balthamos's light, which was becoming easier to see in the setting sun as though it were his own personal north star, until tripping on something beneath his feet. He looked down and… and saw a body in the sand.

Not just a body, though. It was… it had been a man, Baruch thought through a spacey haze. A hunter. But beneath his pale, translucent skin were prominent veins, which were far too black to contain blood. And when Baruch followed the lines through torn clothes, he realized that the man's abdomen, beneath a dark pool of sludge, had been gouged out.

Baruch covered his mouth, but he quickly pushed down the nausea when he remembered Balthamos was about to encounter the very creature that had done this.

"Balthamos!" he called out, but Balthamos’s light only grew fainter as he continued toward the caves.

Baruch ran after him, but the weak stamina of a human was no match for an angel's abilities, even when such an angel was already fragile in age. It was even more reason Baruch needed to get there first, to shield Balthamos from facing the same fate as the dead man decaying all alone.

Balthamos's name echoed off the cave walls as Baruch ran deeper and deeper, hardly able to see. His concerns only surged when resounding roars made the cave itself shake.

Baruch struggled to breathe but he did not stop until he could once again see Balthamos's glow against the rocks. On his next few steps, Baruch found him facing down the fabled creature itself.

"Baruch, get back!" Balthamos commanded. His voice echoed in layers as he shifted forms, human features stretching and melting all the same, with the only distinguishable feature being the countless eyes that all seemed far too focused on Baruch.

A shriek tore both of their attention away from one another. In Balthamos's light, Baruch could make out a black mass writhing amidst the darkness. Flying without wings, its form shifted as though it were baring teeth. A golden beam shot forth from Balthamos, but the creature hardly flinched.

The image of the corpse Baruch had seen pulsed in his mind. Before he knew it, his hand had drawn his sword and he'd lunged.

-

He awoke some time later in immense pain. At first, he thought the blackened sky to be the insides of the creature, that he had been swallowed and imprisoned within. But then he saw the stars of the sky just farther out, and right afterward he saw his own cosmic light: Balthamos.

Balthamos was glowing faintly beneath the dome of the cave entrance, with most of his light pooling at his hands. They hovered shakily above Baruch's abdomen. Baruch realized the pain was centered there, radiating from a wound resembling that of the corpse he had seen earlier. But it was not bleeding black. It was not deep and jagged. It was healing. 

He imagined, in graphic detail, how it had looked before Balthamos's touch. Weathered hands guided a warm energy into the space where Baruch felt somehow cold.

"Balthamos," he breathed. He coughed, just after.

"Do not speak," Balthamos whispered in a desperate tone that caused Baruch more pain than the actual gash in his side.

"I may speak if you are insistent to"--he fell into a coughing fit again, but persisted--"to waste your strength… on me."

Balthamos's focused stare somehow narrowed even thinner. "Your wound has closed, but that does not mean you are allowed to run yourself ragged."

"I am fine, love." Baruch was, truthfully, exhausted even still. But the pain had lifted just enough to pretend otherwise. "Thanks to you."

"You are not!" Balthamos barked, voice echoing off the cave walls. He returned his attention to Baruch's wound and lowered his voice. "I should never have brought you with me."

Baruch knew on some level what Balthamos meant, but it still made his heart sink to wonder just how unwanted, just how much of an _ inconvenience, _ he truly was. He lied back carefully against the cave wall. "You know I would have followed regardless."

"This is serious."

"I was not being comedic." Baruch's eyes widened, head whipping toward the darkest part of the cave. "The creature?"

"The creature has been taken care of, no thanks to your recklessness. You should know better than to throw yourself into the line of fire! You are human! Finite! I…" His breath slowed, voice frail. "Am not."

_ Oh _ . Baruch reached out, wishing with everything in him to cup Balthamos's cheek. But, even though he had finished tending to Baruch's wound, Balthamos would not turn his head.  _ " _ I promise you will not lose me to a simple cut."

"It is a cut today. What will it be tomorrow?” His wings twitched. “When will your impulsiveness cost you your life?"

Baruch swallowed. Beneath Balthamos' defenses lied a truth he did not, would not, say: When will  _ I _ cost you your life. "This is what I signed up to do. And if I die living such a life, I will die happy."

Balthamos turned away. "You do not understand."

"I understand perfectly." Baruch managed to sit himself up, shakily reaching for Balthamos's shoulder. "I know you have lost much." Balthamos tensed beneath his palm. "But you will not lose me. I swear it."

"You are  _ human,  _ Baruch." Balthamos's voice was so quiet Baruch wondered if he had mistaken the wind for words. " _ Of course _ I will lose you."

Baruch tried not to take offense. He knew Balthamos was hurting, but his abilities already paled in comparison to Balthamos's vibrance. It was obvious that he would never be able to match up. "I am mortal, but I am not weak. I am fully capable of fighting alongside you."

"Capable or not, your years are limited."

"Which is why I would much rather live them with you."

"And _ I _ would much rather you not die because of my responsibilities!"

Baruch swallowed. "I did it because I did not want to lose you. It seems as though you have no concern for your own life when mine is at stake.

"Because yours is far more valuable."

"Balthamos, you are an angel! You have been alive for eons. How could I possibly matter more?"

"Don't you  _ dare _ devalue yourself," he snapped. "You view the universe in a way I have long forgotten. You are brave despite facing threats humans are supposed to live their entire lives naive to. You… I…" He breathed shakily. "I cannot imagine my life without having met you, Baruch. Your world is better off with you in it. And that is why I only want you safe… even if it means continuing on without you by my side."

Baruch's heart swelled beneath the constraints of worry. "The thought of roaming this earth without _ you _ is a fate worse than death. And I suppose that is why I understand your anger. I am sorry I scared you. But I am not going anywhere, Balthamos."

Balthamos looked away. 

"I promise to be more careful," Baruch said softly, reaching out to cup Balthamos's cheek and succeeding this time. "But it's hard when you insist on self sacrifice."

Balthamos's lip twitched beneath Baruch's palm. "That is rather hypocritical of you to say."

"Perhaps… in the future, then, we should work together; instead of you speeding off ahead as though it will protect me from all the worlds' dangers."

Balthamos took a deep breath. His own hand found his way atop Baruch's. "We will discuss this before the next encounter. It is getting late and, after today, you need as much rest as is possible."

Baruch  _ was _ rather exhausted. But in truth, he was scared to sleep. He was scared that Balthamos would decide it was too dangerous to have him along and that he would fly off to another world, never to be seen again. "You will still be here when I arise, yes?"

Balthamos's features were often too rigid to soften, but they did chip away into something almost resembling such a change. "If I were to run off, you would follow, thereby putting yourself in more danger. I will be here."

It was not that Baruch doubted Balthamos's love for him. On worse days, it certainly was an insecurity. But at this moment, such care was as palpable as the bedroll beneath him and as sure as the twinkling stars beyond the cave’s mouth.

Although Baruch dared not mention his observation, he felt himself smile. "Then I will rest."

"Good."

Baruch studied Balthamos's features: eyes tired, wings drooping, and hair quite the mess of stray strands. "I only wish you would do the same."

Balthamos ran a hand over his hair. "I do not require sleep."

"No, but flying about being grumpy all day must take more energy than simply lying beside me."

Balthamos squinted. "And what of it?"

"Lie down."

"I… I must stand guard."

"Guard of what? The creature is gone, we are sheltered. You are fearless in the face of abominations, and yet you are afraid to let me sleep by your side?"

"I am not  _ afraid _ of…" Balthamos looked away, and then to the spot beside him on his bedroll. "Fine. But only because you are injured."

Baruch wrapped his arms around the semi-solid form Balthamos had shifted into. He felt rigid, as though he were keeping himself from truly relaxing. But when Baruch only hugged him tighter, he somehow seemed to soften.

"Goodnight, my love," Baruch whispered in his ear.

Balthamos sighed, but, in a lighter voice than Baruch had heard from him all day, he repeated the same. 


End file.
